Calloused

I heard it again. Then I knew I made the right decision.

I can't lie.

It's not that I haven't done it in my entire life. I'm just not very good at it. You won't miss it if I try to lie. I fidget. I can't fix my gaze. I stammer. It feels terribly wrong. It's awful.

I don't want to hear any lie either. It gives me a very uneasy feeling. It makes me quiver. It makes me doubt. It makes me question. If you can lie on small stuff, who knows what else you can lie about. It is a test of character. Of what truly is inside. Are you genuine? Or is it just another lie?

We can lie about a whole lot of things. From what we are doing to what we are feeling to who we really are. When we get used to a lie, it flows out of our lips so naturally that even ourselves believe it's true. When we rehearse it, it becomes a part of us in an intrinsic kind of way. It somehow becomes our reality.

And that's dangerous. It is when our hearts become calloused. We become oblivious of the gravity of it. It can lead us to its depths without us even knowing. We'll just wake up one day surprised at how far that tiny lie had led us. And we cannot even distinguish the truth from the lie anymore. It's that subtle. It's that dangerous.

Life lived in lie is a waste. It's pitiful. Because even when we're alone, we still try to make ourselves believe that lie. It might work for a while. We might think we are doing just fine, until such time that we suffer the consequences of being in bondage of that lie.

So we then try to figure out where it all started, but we just cannot trace it back. And we find ourselves wanting to get out of it, but we're stuck. Confused. Helpless. Perhaps sorry.

Because we thought all along that nobody sees what's in our hearts. That at the end of it all, we can still come out clean. But the truth is someone sees what's in our hearts. We can try to lie to the world, even to ourselves, but never to him. It is said that nothing concealed will forever be hidden. Everything has its own appointed time. And it will make itself known. No more hiding. No more pretense. No more lies.

And we think: If I can just turn back the time...

But we can't. We are doomed.

But just when we thought it's too late for us to repair the damage and to start all over again; just when we thought that the life we lived in that lie has consumed us, there remains a truth that could set us free. A truth that never changes. That we are loved by God and he has blotted all our transgressions. We can be free. He comes knocking at our hearts desiring to replace the lies by the truth of his love. And it's up to us if we would open our hearts for him.

He offers truth. He offers freedom. He offers life.

Oh by the way, I lied. After all, we're not doomed. And we can still come out clean. All because of him. =)

I heard it again. Then I knew I made the right choice.