Stirred

Reading a good book in a coffee shop on a fine day when the sky is covered with clouds and the sun barely peeks through seems to compel me to write. I have finally finished a book I have started reading months ago. This kind of book is not meant to be just read. So I had to take notes every time leaving me a summarized version.

I don't consider myself futuristic, much more a visionary. The longest I could plan is my next week's activities. That's apart from vacation trips that need to be planned way ahead due to promo airfares. There are a lot of things going through my mind and sorting them out has always been a struggle. I was struck when Andy Stanley said,

Dreamers dream about things being different. Visionaries envision themselves making a difference. Dreamers think about how nice it would be for something to be done. Visionaries look for an opportunity to do something. (Visioneering)

I have to admit I always catch myself thinking about making the world a better place to live. I see people throwing their candy wrappers outside the window of their cars and I am disgusted to my very core. I look at my niece throwing tantrums everyday and I already wonder what does it really take to raise a kid. The question that keeps popping in my head is "What is the right way of doing this?" There I get stuck.

I'm not a visionary, but for the past months I am consumed by the tension of what is and what could be. Before I sleep, I find myself thinking about some women under my leadership and I am emotionally involved. I wake up some mornings and their faces pop in my mind. The question remains, What is the right way of doing this?

Is there really one formula in pursuing something that God has birthed in your heart?

I can't function when things are a mess. I am discouraged when I can't see results. I can't continue when it becomes uncertain. But then God has revealed himself to me as the God of hows. Visions birthed by God in our hearts shall be orchestrated by Him. He only requires faithfulness on our part. And the rest, He would have to fill in the blanks.

I believe we will all go through a season when our faith will be tested, stretched, and sometimes exhausted. While pursuing a vision from God, we will find ourselves having more questions than answers. But then again, it was never and will never be about us. When God gives us visions, the focal point would still be him.

There are times I am consumed by the little tasks- my to do list. How many meetings in a week. What topics to discuss. Evaluating performances. Troubleshooting mistakes. Yes, as Andy said, I catch myself working too hard as if it were my responsibility to maintain the vision. As if it were too great a task for God.

But what I loved the best about this book- more than embracing the vision God has placed in my heart- is actually having to experience Him in greater depth. That from the little tasks that I had been sweating for years now, I get to shift my focus to the One whose love and greatness I can never understand fully, yet be able to get a glimpse of in increasing measure.

Seven years ago, I was faced with my life's most mind-boggling question- What is my life all about? After some time, having found my place in the grand scheme of things where God has positioned me to be, I thought working out the divine-ordained task as best as I could is the ultimate answer. But then more than the vision is God's glory. At the end of the day, it's never about the task. It's still about God. And what a privilege it is for us to be given a vision, more so to get to experience the very person of God.