The Big Pic: Exposed

I stand in front of totally shattered walls. I let out a deep sigh.

Is it of regret? Or relief?

I circle around the crumbles. I stare at the very thing being protected by the once sturdy walls.

It's there.

Exposed.

Now what?

Do I wait for it to just be blown away? Or do I simply turn my back?

The walls are destroyed. There's no use waiting. There's only one thing left to do.

Leave.

But then again, it takes another load of painful courage to do just that.

I stared. I lingered. I ached.

It's there.

Exposed.

I broke my walls. I let go of my illusory right to hold it strongly.

Do I need to hurt some more?

A strong wind pushes me farther.

And I step back.

Then a few more step.

And a few more.

The Big Pic Revisited

I was halfway tearing down my wall when I stopped. I was too tired to carry on, thinking that if I chose to let things be, it will all get clear when the time is right.

For a time, everything was fine. I looked at my wall once in a while and then shrugged.

It’s going to be okay.

And it was... for a little more while.

Then, another nudge.

It was stronger.

Even more painful.

Ugh, when will I ever learn?

But unlike before, I paid attention. I listened. There must be something that I’ve missed. Something that I refused to acknowledge.

And the decision finally set in.

I have to destroy my wall. Not little by little. Not piece by piece. I need to break it down without holding back. Even if each brick that I successfully smashed ripped a part of me.

If it means defenselessness, I am willing to be exposed.

If it means vulnerability, I am willing to be in a weak position.

If it means surrender, then I am willing to give up control.

I am now decided to see the big pic.

And with my broken wall, I am letting go.

Nevertheless, I know I'm not alone.


The Big Pic

The Big Pic

When God Speaks (1)

It was perfect. It seemed designed for no one else but me. So I started building a protective wall around it. There I held it dearly. There I had it guarded.

Something so precious seemed ideal from the inside of the walls I built. After all I believed it was the “plan.” So I had even the littlest of me involved with it. I was occupied.

And then…a nudge.

I didn’t bother. I was too absorbed to pay attention to a little nudge.

But it was persistent.

I was destabilized.

Hesitant, I stepped back. Perfect as it may have seemed, could I have been mistaken?

I watched it from a distance. But I couldn’t see a thing through those thick walls. I had to tear down a part of it so I could get a glimpse of what I held on to inside.

For some time, I just stared. I assessed. I reasoned.

I realized the more I focused on it, the more it seemed complicated.

Tired of having to adjust my view of it again and again, I tried to rebuild the torn walls and to get back inside where things seemed safer. (I know. Talk about being stubborn.)

But the more I tried to fit in, the more lost I was. It was as if a bigger picture lay somewhere that I needed to understand. And the walls kept me from my focus.

Outside the partially broken walls I stood. Motionless.

I had to decide.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Breaking the walls that I unwisely built is painful. Right in front of me is defenselessness.

I feel weariness sinking in. But the persistence is serious. The big picture is what I need to see.

As weakness surfaces, I hold on to a promise that God’s strength shall sustain. As reluctance continues, He gives assurance that at the end of it all, His design will prove to be the perfect plan.

The tearing of these walls may be a bit slow, and yes, agonizing. But God abounds with patience and love. I am hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; struck down, but not destroyed.

When I finally see the big picture, I know it’s right.