Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Big Pic Revisited

I was halfway tearing down my wall when I stopped. I was too tired to carry on, thinking that if I chose to let things be, it will all get clear when the time is right.

For a time, everything was fine. I looked at my wall once in a while and then shrugged.

It’s going to be okay.

And it was... for a little more while.

Then, another nudge.

It was stronger.

Even more painful.

Ugh, when will I ever learn?

But unlike before, I paid attention. I listened. There must be something that I’ve missed. Something that I refused to acknowledge.

And the decision finally set in.

I have to destroy my wall. Not little by little. Not piece by piece. I need to break it down without holding back. Even if each brick that I successfully smashed ripped a part of me.

If it means defenselessness, I am willing to be exposed.

If it means vulnerability, I am willing to be in a weak position.

If it means surrender, then I am willing to give up control.

I am now decided to see the big pic.

And with my broken wall, I am letting go.

Nevertheless, I know I'm not alone.

The Big Pic

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