I was halfway tearing down my wall when I stopped. I was too tired to carry on, thinking that if I chose to let things be, it will all get clear when the time is right.
For a time, everything was fine. I looked at my wall once in a while and then shrugged.
It’s going to be okay.
And it was... for a little more while.
Then, another nudge.
It was stronger.
Even more painful.
Ugh, when will I ever learn?
But unlike before, I paid attention. I listened. There must be something that I’ve missed. Something that I refused to acknowledge.
And the decision finally set in.
I have to destroy my wall. Not little by little. Not piece by piece. I need to break it down without holding back. Even if each brick that I successfully smashed ripped a part of me.
If it means defenselessness, I am willing to be exposed.
If it means vulnerability, I am willing to be in a weak position.
If it means surrender, then I am willing to give up control.
I am now decided to see the big pic.
And with my broken wall, I am letting go.
Nevertheless, I know I'm not alone.
The Big Pic