Thursday, October 21, 2010

Calloused

I heard it again. Then I knew I made the right decision.

I can't lie.

It's not that I haven't done it in my entire life. I'm just not very good at it. You won't miss it if I try to lie. I fidget. I can't fix my gaze. I stammer. It feels terribly wrong. It's awful.

I don't want to hear any lie either. It gives me a very uneasy feeling. It makes me quiver. It makes me doubt. It makes me question. If you can lie on small stuff, who knows what else you can lie about. It is a test of character. Of what truly is inside. Are you genuine? Or is it just another lie?

We can lie about a whole lot of things. From what we are doing to what we are feeling to who we really are. When we get used to a lie, it flows out of our lips so naturally that even ourselves believe it's true. When we rehearse it, it becomes a part of us in an intrinsic kind of way. It somehow becomes our reality.

And that's dangerous. It is when our hearts become calloused. We become oblivious of the gravity of it. It can lead us to its depths without us even knowing. We'll just wake up one day surprised at how far that tiny lie had led us. And we cannot even distinguish the truth from the lie anymore. It's that subtle. It's that dangerous.

Life lived in lie is a waste. It's pitiful. Because even when we're alone, we still try to make ourselves believe that lie. It might work for a while. We might think we are doing just fine, until such time that we suffer the consequences of being in bondage of that lie.

So we then try to figure out where it all started, but we just cannot trace it back. And we find ourselves wanting to get out of it, but we're stuck. Confused. Helpless. Perhaps sorry.

Because we thought all along that nobody sees what's in our hearts. That at the end of it all, we can still come out clean. But the truth is someone sees what's in our hearts. We can try to lie to the world, even to ourselves, but never to him. It is said that nothing concealed will forever be hidden. Everything has its own appointed time. And it will make itself known. No more hiding. No more pretense. No more lies.

And we think: If I can just turn back the time...

But we can't. We are doomed.

But just when we thought it's too late for us to repair the damage and to start all over again; just when we thought that the life we lived in that lie has consumed us, there remains a truth that could set us free. A truth that never changes. That we are loved by God and he has blotted all our transgressions. We can be free. He comes knocking at our hearts desiring to replace the lies by the truth of his love. And it's up to us if we would open our hearts for him.

He offers truth. He offers freedom. He offers life.

Oh by the way, I lied. After all, we're not doomed. And we can still come out clean. All because of him. =)

I heard it again. Then I knew I made the right choice.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Oh, How I Hate Alcohol!

Today, I cannot be more enthusiastic in expressing my opinion about drinking. Once in my principle-distorted life, I agreed with maybe 95% of the world population. That drinking is okay. Occasional or even hardcore drinking, I didn't really mind.

I, too, was a heavy drinker during that PDL (principle-distorted life) of mine. If I were to drink, my principle was I better get really drunk! What is the point of drinking if you're not gonna get yourself drunk? Told ya, the principle was distorted. But when I finally found a life I've never never even thought I wanted, I never had the slightest thought of going back.

Now I see people, even those close to my heart, when they drink and man, I begin to think- was I really like this before? It.was.detestable. I see no sense talking with a drunk person. It's a total waste of time. Totally pointless. It's like you're throwing your words in the air and you're just getting incoherent responses or maybe an annoying giggle. Or maybe a hiccup! And you're seeing the person waving his hand in the air shooing something isn't there trying to make a point that is even irrelevant! Oh, and they get into arguments. Absolutely senseless that fights of 4-year olds seem to have more sense!

It is annoying. But then I am the sane one. I get to control myself. After a few moments of trying to knock the person off in my head to stop him from blabbering all those nonsense talks, compassion sets in. He is not the one speaking. He isn't in control of himself. He is paralyzed by the alcohol and alcohol is the one taking over his body. His mind.

Now that's sad. Instead of hating the person, I feel compassion. Isn't it sad for a person to allow something take over his whole being and let it live in him that he just loses himself into total wastedness? (If there is such a term.)

I once allowed this thing take control of me. Like everybody else, I was blinded by the feeling it brought me- boldness to do something I normally can't do, adequacy in making a stand even in the most foolish point of discussion, portraying a tough image, or merely just the sense that I belong. Yeah, those were just some of the real reasons. Does any of it make sense?

Right now, it's too easy to see the picture clearly. I was purchased from that kind of perspective. And I'm grateful that what I decided to take over me is not something that would lead me to foolishness, but to a life that is full. A life that is secure. It's like you don't need to get the kind of high alcohol gives in order to feel alive. And brave. And capable. The alcohol doesn't give you that. It never can. You cannot hide behind the arrogance of alcohol to cover who you are. Coz at the end of the day, when you already are sober, you're still you- afraid, insecure, broken.

But the good news is, God has loved you despite your imperfections. Despite your flaws. But you won't experience that liberating love when you're drunk. Only in act of acceptance that you are not the god of your life can you allow his grace to cover you. Only in act of surrender will you experience that God is more than capable and willing to give you a life that you never thought possible. A life backed with a huge God you can be confident with. It's only a matter of choice.

The hollowness, the insecurities, the hiding can come to an end. And it's alcohol-free!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

No More Repeats

I found myself in a very familiar situation. It was as if I were transported back in time. And I couldn't believe it's happening again. The only difference is I'm wiser now. At least that's what I'd like to believe. If I weren't I wouldn't be able to realize that I'm heading to that same direction, right?

Which reminds me of a proverb that was very well explained by Andy Stanley. Well enough that it's been popping in my head when I'm in the middle of crossroads. "The prudent see danger and seek refuge, while the simple keep going and suffer for it."

You bet there's a loud red alert signal that I could see right now. Must've been there for a while, but it's only now that I really paid attention. It was almost audible I can no longer pretend to miss it.

Now the question: What would my next move make me? Prudent or simple? Will I keep going or will I seek refuge?

I cannot suffer any more for my unwise decisions. I cannot allow any more repeats. I've been taught too much. Been under a lot of test. Who wants to repeat? Not me...

Sept. 27. Psalm 1. What a great reminder to focus my eyes and delight in God. Heart check: Where is my strength? To whom do I run to for security? For protection? To whom have I entrusted the key to my heart? Ah, you won't believe how God has intervened! My heart has gone a total U-turn!

God must have been really busy teaching me. Can't say I'm the perfect student for that matter, but yeah, I am getting this now. What a long ride it has been. Really tough one, huh. I haven't graduated yet, but hey I'm not stagnating as well. And I'm not settling until He has corrected, purified and renewed every single detail my heart has to cry out to Him.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Spared

The second set.

Maybe I wasn't ready for that big blow. But I was spared from the drama of going through it. Some might say it was just a device failure. Or plain stupidity on my part, yet with spiritual eyes I smiled knowing God wouldn't want me to delay. So even with the right press of buttons, I knew it must've been Him who hasten the process. Funny and stunning. He can even work that way?

I had to restart my phone, mind you. And when I finally saw that it was all gone, totally, I just sighed. Oh, you're just making it all sound so big a deal, you might say. I wish I were just talking about messages so I could agree with you.

But you know what I got to understand and still trying to understand? The word surrender isn't a one time thing. I didn't lift it all to Him who knows what's best in one night and ended up problem-free! I guess now my pace of coping is no longer enough. God must have been that patient with me and my seemingly endless walking in circles. He had allowed me up to this point that I had to be pushed already.

Man, I don't wanna be pushed any harder than this. I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon you Lord (as the song goes). I could still be more willing, but the amount I need right now should be just enough.

It all started with messages. Who knows what I will need to give up next. In any case, God's grace is sufficient in each phase. And I choose to trust Him.

Messages Deleted 100%.

Should be a good news. I'm trying to look at it that way. I really am. But even if I still can't, I am already here. I can't back off now and I am called, if not really pushed, to move forward.

So moving forward I will do.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Messages Deleted

50 messages? I'm not sure. I lost count already.

I just felt the need to do some urgent clean-up drive. The messages were occupying a huge space in my device memory and also in some part of my human memory I would have rather purged early on.

Was that brave or what? I think that was wise.

I needed to do that to give enough space for something new that would come. Something that deserves to take the space. The unnecessary ones need to go.

But until it's clear and certain that it's the one to stay; until the untimely become just right on time; until it's just right, I will keep on deleting.

Messages Deleted.

Whew.

Friday, September 24, 2010

An Empty Message

Taking exams. When can I ever overcome my fear from it? Don't blame me. I have failed the most important exams in my life, if not all. I failed my college entrance exams. All universities. I failed the first and supposedly easiest part of my first job entrance exam and got kicked out of the room while the other stayed to the take the next part!

Imagine how traumatic that can be! I spent significant amount of time doubting whether I was really good enough. I was humiliated. My pride wounded.

Fortunately, that was the story of the past.

Failures always get me challenged. After failing all those exams, I said: I would avenge myself. I will prove to the whole world that I was not created to fail.

As determined as I was to redeem myself, I passed the exams the second time around. All of it. Take that huh! (Me talking to the universities who once rejected me.)

The greatest news of today: another job entrance from a company I once dreamed working for, and I PASSED! I was literally smiling the entire time since I got the letter with the word CONGRATULATIONS in it, in all caps and bold letters! I could've welcomed any stranger who would talk to me while I was walking with that huge grin in my face I just couldn't wipe off.

I excitedly sent my dad a message telling him the good news. Not that I expected a reply. It was just my way of somehow reaching out to him and if in any way it could change his mindset of how a proud daughter I am.

So anyway, I was surprised when my phone beeped and I got a reply from him. Only it was an empty message.

I almost laughed. My dad has a new phone and he must have pressed some wrong keys here and there. Knowing my dad, he had no intention of replying. Who knows, maybe he was even trying to press the delete button!

In any case, I was still delighted. I knew he got my message.

Soon, I'm hoping to get not just an empty message. Maybe something that says he's proud of me.

There's nothing wrong with holding on to a promise of reconciliation. =)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

An Absurd Thought About Ashley

I've heard it many times. I've cried over Ashley's story again and again. How can one person who "had life for the first time in her 22 years" just died after 4 months of finding that life? But then there's always a reason for everything, right? Ashley had been an inspiration to the entire world in just a matter of four months. Maybe that's her purpose. Or that it is the way to get her dad to know the Truth. Those are pretty good reasons. And I don't discount the fact that as short as her life may have been, it really made an impact even to those people who didn't even know her. We may speculate other reasons, but then again nobody can really tell. One day, I'll ask God about it.

So now I'm talking about life's purpose and death.

Sometimes I wonder if God would allow me to not wake up the next morning. How would that affect the world? Would God use my death to shout his glory as well? Maybe to get to touch the heart of my dad too? Would my reason for existence be to dramatically change the world by my death?

Haha. I can almost hear God say "What on earth are you thinking about?"

There's a lot of work to do! Nations to reach. Eyes to be opened. Lives to be changed. And I believe that my living could do a lot more than me being inside a casket right away. And I am excited to do the work! I'm excited about how God will reveal before my very eyes the benefits of working with him...alive.

Ashley's story is just one of a kind. And I just wonder about death sometimes. That's all. *wink*

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Nod

He's been giving me the same nod for a few months now. Every time I'd invite him for lunch or dinner, or even when I'm just saying goodbye as I leave the house.

Yesterday, I opened my mouth for some words again- "I'm leaving." He was talking to someone over the phone and gave me like a 3-second look and nodded. Phew. Not that I expected something more than that. It took me 30 minutes or so just to get the courage to say goodbye. At least I got some form of acknowledgment ;)

This season's gonna be tougher than I expected. I still get a feeling of uncertainty once in a while, but I found a secret to overcome that! Fixing on a promise that's certain. A promise that never changes. A love that stands firm. And I believe soon, I'll be getting more than just a nod from my dad. Who knows, maybe a hug? =)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Manila: For Real?

Day 2 in Manila.

I almost cried out of exasperation yesterday. I didn't realize how frustrating it was to look for an apartment. All the ones I've checked looked either scary or unhygienic. Just imagining myself to be living in such kind of place makes me wanna throw up and feel sorry for myself. Add the remark of my friend, "this must be really hard for you..." with that sympathetic look. Ugh, I wanted to burst in tears right there and then!

But well, that was yesterday. And I made a promise I'll quit playing the victim role! So I woke up early and prepared myself for another day. I still had some anxiety attacks and the I-don't-want-to-do-this-anymore bratty attitude of mine, but give me a break. I am just beginning, okay?

So after all those delays before I could even step out of my friend's condo, I finally headed on for my day 2's adventure. I went for a job interview, which gave me an option to accept or decline the offer. Talk about favor. The decision just depends on whether I would take the job or not! Then, I went on to look for an apartment again. Favor #2? I found the perfect place!

Now it's mid-afternoon and I'm really tired. But I feel I've accomplished a lot already. I know I've got to endure a lot more long walks and jeepney rides for a while. (Now I realize how sheltered I was back in college. I never did any of these stuffs before!) But still in my heart I know I need to pass this test. I've allowed enough foolishness to consume me in the past. This I cannot afford to fail. I can't quit just yet. God must have something wonderful ahead of me and I'm in faith God's grace is sufficient for me to get there!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Yesterday: A Series of Unwise Decisions

Have you done something and looked so unshakable about it and yet what you really wanted was just the exact opposite of what you've been portraying? Or is it just me? Maybe it's just part of the complicated nature of women. Sometimes, I don't get myself either. Phew!

There were instances in my life when I wanted to be alone and sort things out or simply to have a moment of peace. I call those my me-time.

Yesterday wasn't one of those.

Yesterday, I wanted to be surrounded with people. I wanted to feel loved and cared for. Yet, I wore that mask that I needed nobody. That I could very well take care of myself. That I enjoyed the solitude.

I pushed people away. I remained in my cave. And I waited. I waited if someone would look for me. But, the act was successful. Everyone was fooled by the facade. People called out but nobody looked farther. Nobody searched deeper.

Inside, I focused on the darkness. It was awful.

Now I ask, was it worth it? Did it do me any good? What on earth was I trying to prove? Not only did I push away the people who care about me deeply, but I also shut myself off from the great love being poured on me. Just because what, I wanted more?

I chose not to accept what was given to me. I chose not to listen. Instead I believed nobody cared. While my head knew very well I am never alone, my feelings betrayed me.

I was awakened by a reminder of a love beyond measure. A love beyond reason. A love that knows how ragged I am, yet holds me like the most priceless treasure in the world. And my worth isn't determined by my raggedness, but by his love. A love that laid down his life for me. Who questions that? Who asks for more than that?

Yesterday may be a moment of weakness. I may have slipped from that confidence. I may have allowed the lies to feed my heart. But...Oh boy, you have no idea how amazing it feels to be lifted up by a love so strong. A love so great. A love that stays. And I mean, forever.

I can be at the deepest ends of the earth, but this love will always find me. And it's the kind of love that I've always yearned for. How could I forget? Still, I know He looks on me beyond my here and now.

And in that love, I choose to run to.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Big Pic: Exposed

I stand in front of totally shattered walls. I let out a deep sigh.

Is it of regret? Or relief?

I circle around the crumbles. I stare at the very thing being protected by the once sturdy walls.

It's there.

Exposed.

Now what?

Do I wait for it to just be blown away? Or do I simply turn my back?

The walls are destroyed. There's no use waiting. There's only one thing left to do.

Leave.

But then again, it takes another load of painful courage to do just that.

I stared. I lingered. I ached.

It's there.

Exposed.

I broke my walls. I let go of my illusory right to hold it strongly.

Do I need to hurt some more?

A strong wind pushes me farther.

And I step back.

Then a few more step.

And a few more.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why Won't You Choose Me?

When God Speaks (3)

1 message received. I replied.
22 new notifications. I checked.
Lee singing The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkle. I watched AI. With full concentration.
“Paaanchiii” said my niece. (She was calling out her own name: Francis) I played with her.
Silence deafening. I turned my Ipod on.

I almost fell asleep.
I almost cried.
For the nth time.
Then he said,
I’m just here.
Why won’t you tell me?
Why won’t you cry to me?

Why won’t you choose me?

There are moments in our life when we turn to a lot of things when we’re dealing with frustrations or pain. We keep ourselves occupied. Everything is just one click away. Everyone is just one tweet away.

And we indulge.

We talk even to ourselves. Yes, ourselves. Reasoning out, debating, pity partying. And we’re surprised we get nowhere. No answers. No light at the end of the tunnel.

All along God is just waiting for you to open your heart to him. He’s there. He’s waiting.

Need someone to talk with? Don’t come running to your Facebook account or reach for the remote for your favorite series just yet.

Faced with choices where you can run to, whom you can cry out to, scream at, argue with…

Choose Him.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Lay It Down

I've been lookin' till my eyes are tired of lookin'
Listenin' till my ears are numb from listenin'
Prayin' till my knees are sore from kneelin' on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is achin'
I'm running out of tears and my will is breakin'
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slippin' through my folded hands


So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do?
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down.


I've been walkin' through this world like I'm barely livin'
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been diggin'
But You're pullin' me out
I'm finally breathin' in the open air
This room may be dark but I'm finally seein'
There's a new ray of hope, and now I'm believin'
That the past is past, and the future's beginning to look brighter now
Oh, cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands


So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
Oh what else can I do,
Cause everthing I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down.

by: Jaci Velasquez

This says exactly what I'm going through right now...

video

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Big Pic Revisited

I was halfway tearing down my wall when I stopped. I was too tired to carry on, thinking that if I chose to let things be, it will all get clear when the time is right.

For a time, everything was fine. I looked at my wall once in a while and then shrugged.

It’s going to be okay.

And it was... for a little more while.

Then, another nudge.

It was stronger.

Even more painful.

Ugh, when will I ever learn?

But unlike before, I paid attention. I listened. There must be something that I’ve missed. Something that I refused to acknowledge.

And the decision finally set in.

I have to destroy my wall. Not little by little. Not piece by piece. I need to break it down without holding back. Even if each brick that I successfully smashed ripped a part of me.

If it means defenselessness, I am willing to be exposed.

If it means vulnerability, I am willing to be in a weak position.

If it means surrender, then I am willing to give up control.

I am now decided to see the big pic.

And with my broken wall, I am letting go.

Nevertheless, I know I'm not alone.


The Big Pic

Friday, April 9, 2010

This Isn't About Nike

Okay. I have only one pair of rubber shoes, which I bought on sale. If it weren't, I wouldn't have spent a single cent for it. I used it only a couple of times. That was when I was hooked up with trying to allow my lymphatic system work better by playing badminton.

I hate strenuous activities. I hate the gym. I hate running. You'd see me pout if you ask me to walk a few blocks. That's why I don't care having just a pair of rubber shoes.

I hate running. But it's something I'm quite good at. Not that I've won a marathon or something. But if there were such an award for it, I must have had that gold medal by now. Alright. Not that I'm proud of it either.

It's as if I have this personal invisible alarm that goes wild when it sees danger. As I look back, I see how many times I heeded to this alarm and walked away...ran away. And the endings weren't always good. I had to deal with a long process of healing. But come to think of it, most of those wounds are not completely healed yet. They just remain untouched for a while, and the moment my personal invisible alarm sends me that familiar signal again, even the slightest touch open up the old wounds and I can't help but again...run.

And it's just exhausting.

Oh how I wanted to end this blog with that last sentence. But I can't. Not without writing what he told me while I'm occupied by this running thing.

When you run away from something, you have to have something to turn onto. You can't just run away towards nothingness, unless you want to be stuck and lost for the rest of your life.

At some degree, we all do run away. The question is, to where? To whom? Most of the time and even unknowingly, we are desperate to get the security we always need, to get some questions answered, to just rest. But only when we run to an unchanging God and allow his love to carry us through the fears and uncertainties could we ever cross our finish line.

Is it okay to run away? Maybe. As long as we're heading to the right direction.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Did You Feel My Love Today?

When God Speaks (2)

I was about to sleep. But I felt something was missing.

I grabbed my IPod.

You broke the night like the sun. And healed my heart with your great love. Any trouble I couldn’t bear, you lifted me upon your shoulders.

I asked him, “Would you talk to me?”

Love that’s stronger. Love that covers sin. And takes the weight of the world.

I waited. I knew it was only him that could fill what was missing.

At that point where I acknowledged that only he shall satisfy, he softly asked,

“Did you feel my love today?”

Silence.

Instant flashback. What did happen to me today?

I went “Ermm…Uhmm...” I was groping for something to say.

Yes, I was busy.

“I was with you today, just like any other day…”

*****************************************************************************
We’re busy. We always are. After all the accomplished tasks in our to-do list we feel a certain sense of fulfillment for the day, and yet we feel empty.

We’re tired. We always are. We consume ourselves with all our cares and slump back to our bed at the end of day searching for a reason to celebrate.

Then we go wondering where God was all day.

Every single day, his desire is for us to share a life with him. Not just a minute. Not just before a meal. He longs to be a part of our life, even the most trivial parts of it. He knows our thoughts, our deepest longings, our busyness, and even our idleness. And he desires for us to share them with him. He waits. He cares. He loves.

Did you feel his love for you today?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Can I Just Stare?

When things seem overwhelming, what is your first reaction? Do you immediately plan some solution in mind? Or do you cry out to God in anguish? Or do you slump into a corner in hopelessness?

I do all these things. Only backwards. When things seem too much for me to handle, it’s really difficult for me to get a good grasp on where to start. I find myself lost in the situation with a vague idea of what to do.

Is it that bad to have tiny moments of weakness? To undergo a period of questions and uncertainties?

Most of the time, I stand in the middle of the chaos… and just stare. I stare blankly at everything moving in slow motion. And I feel the waves too intense almost consuming me. There are times I feel like giving in and just accept defeat.

At that point when I am at my weakest, as I allow the waves crashing into me, I feel a hand gently holding me, reassuring me that as I stare, He’s going to stand by me until the chaos turns into stillness in Him.

(It’s so amazing to feel God’s hand so real…)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Big Pic

When God Speaks (1)

It was perfect. It seemed designed for no one else but me. So I started building a protective wall around it. There I held it dearly. There I had it guarded.

Something so precious seemed ideal from the inside of the walls I built. After all I believed it was the “plan.” So I had even the littlest of me involved with it. I was occupied.

And then…a nudge.

I didn’t bother. I was too absorbed to pay attention to a little nudge.

But it was persistent.

I was destabilized.

Hesitant, I stepped back. Perfect as it may have seemed, could I have been mistaken?

I watched it from a distance. But I couldn’t see a thing through those thick walls. I had to tear down a part of it so I could get a glimpse of what I held on to inside.

For some time, I just stared. I assessed. I reasoned.

I realized the more I focused on it, the more it seemed complicated.

Tired of having to adjust my view of it again and again, I tried to rebuild the torn walls and to get back inside where things seemed safer. (I know. Talk about being stubborn.)

But the more I tried to fit in, the more lost I was. It was as if a bigger picture lay somewhere that I needed to understand. And the walls kept me from my focus.

Outside the partially broken walls I stood. Motionless.

I had to decide.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Breaking the walls that I unwisely built is painful. Right in front of me is defenselessness.

I feel weariness sinking in. But the persistence is serious. The big picture is what I need to see.

As weakness surfaces, I hold on to a promise that God’s strength shall sustain. As reluctance continues, He gives assurance that at the end of it all, His design will prove to be the perfect plan.

The tearing of these walls may be a bit slow, and yes, agonizing. But God abounds with patience and love. I am hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; struck down, but not destroyed.

When I finally see the big picture, I know it’s right.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Caving In

Faced with uncertainty, fear consumes you. When given tough choices, you are confused. When you don't know the answer, you lose confidence. And when you find yourself saying I Don't Know, you are lost. You can’t move. You’re simply frozen. Most often than not, you retreat. You move into your cave of comfort with no one to bother you.

People call you from the outside, throwing in ropes to rescue you and yet you ask, do you want to be rescued? So you move back farther until you hear them no more. And in your solitude you stare at the darkness, praying for even a tiny light.

The wait is hard. Sometimes you feel like giving up and just remain where you are.

Your heart is deceived for a while and as you choose your cave, you limit yourself into the walls of darkness. As you allow yourself to be locked inside your own judgment, you fail to understand the depth of reasons laid before you. As you choose your cave, you miss out the great things that await you if you’ve just had that faith to step out.

If you would just look onto the other side of your cave you will see that tiny, inviting light. If you would just listen intently, the incomprehensible murmurs will turn into clear voice of hope.

It is not meant for you to remain captive of your own idea of life. The vagueness of your perception can be cleared. The confusion in your heart can be set straight. And it is not inside your cave that you will figure things out.

Your plans are outweighed by Someone Else’s whose design is far greater than you can imagine. If you would just let Him lead you out of your cave, your uncertainties will be replaced by definiteness. If you would just pay attention to his voice, you won't miss him saying "I will never leave you."

But inside your cave? You will never know the greater purpose you are intended for.

Experience God's amazing plans in your life. Step out of your cave!